Are you an unscrupulous deranged crank with the track record of a government budget forecaster? Do you have no shame and assume everyone around you is an inbred moron? Can you say one thing one day and the opposite the next and see no contradiction? Do you consider “evidence” to be shit that you make up whenever you feel like separating fools from their money? If you answered yes to any of these questions then you might have a bright future as a 2012 entrepreneur.
But you have to act fast. End of the World deals only come around every few years. Seize the moment or you may have to wait months before the next opportunity to scam credulous dolts. My advice: strike while the iron is hot. After 2012 the only people making any money on 2012 will be sour skeptics telling us I told you so and we all know how much that pays.
Since we have no qualms our only problem is marketing. We have to find the right 2012 product. The field is getting crowded and we must exercise caution. 2012 entrepreneurs welcome competition like drugged out bike gangs welcome competition. With this in mind we have to rule out:
- Movies: 2012 opens this weekend and if the critics can be believed we now have a viable substitute for water boarding and Itsy, bitsy, teenie, weenie, yellow polka dot bikini looping endlessly.
- TV specials: The History Channel has locked up this market segment with one mind draining special after another. If I ever see the number 2012 on the History Channel again I will climb up the nearest Mayan pyramid and cut my own heart out!
- Survival gear: What’s a girl to wear when the world ends. Get your end of the world gear now before the panic, or intelligence, sets in.
- T-Shirts: Every disaster needs one.
- End of the World Party Catering: Annihilation on an empty stomach is so 2011.
- Mayan Resort Holidays: This one actually makes some sense. The prospect of heaping scorn on scores of new and old age nitwits on December 22, 2012 would warm my cold skeptical core.
Let’s face it breaking into the 2012 market is hard. It takes an imaginative opportunistic whore to come up with a market worthy 2012 scam. I’m out of ideas; maybe you can do better.