The Real Problem with Enterprise Software

Only the gifted analytic minds of IT management and know it all programmers have the intelligence work ethic and superb taste required to select enterprise software.  Speaking as an ITite, (one who works in IT), I can report that we are so gifted, so far-seeing, so utterly and totally awesome in our views that only ignorant tuggles, (non technical types), would dare challenge our recommendations.   Even better, the same plodding sleep deprived determination that we use to code computers into submission can be applied to human adversaries.  We can wear you down with one technical objection after another until you finally give in and make the correct selection.

 And what is the correct selection?  ITites assert that the correct solution is the one that always puts them in absolute control of clueless tuggles that seem determined to have their own way when we know their way is wrong, wrong, and wrong!  To paraphrase the leading reptilian philosopher of our age: control is key when talking about IT.

Because control is key enterprise software must extend and consolidate ITite empires or it will be rejected.  Rejections will take the form of complaints about, cost, performance, scalability, standards compliance, or my current favorite uncloudable: software that cannot run in the cloud.  Some of these arguments may have merits but usually the selection boils down to human prejudice and personal comfort zones.

There is one poisonous consequence of this madness that really pisses me off.  To kowtow to IT control freaks enterprise software vendors have made heroic efforts to prevent people from using and mastering their software.  We are used to downloading software and giving it a try. I challenge you to try this with Cognos/IBM,  Microsoft BI, Oracle/Hyperion or, the worst of the lot, SAP software.  Not only will you not be able to download useful free trial versions but in many cases you won’t even be able to get your hands on manuals!  How lovely: a complex suite of software that you have to pay to read about!

Enterprise software vendors are rightly horrified by the prospect of their wares turning into commodities.  A commodity, in business speak, is something that you cannot mark way the fuck up!  Of course all this stuff is grossly overpriced with inane gouging support contracts piled on.  Do not despair enterprise software vendors are piling wood on their own funeral pyres. They are creating perfect conditions for low-cost, or open source providers, to knock them off and party on their graves.

To help set the cremation fires ablaze I abide by following sacred consulting principle.  Don’t waste your time on systems that you cannot take with you.  This is the real problem with enterprise software; you cannot take it anywhere!