My Colon’s Merry Christmas

I have just returned from my second colonoscopy. For all you indestructible young’ins out there a colonoscopy is a medical procedure that basically entails stuffing a camera up your butthole to look for evil-doers. Thankfully you’re knocked out during the procedure and when you come to you remember about as much as alien anal probe abductees. Colonoscopies can detect and remove precancerous polyps in the colon; it’s a rare cost-effective procedure that actually saves lives. If you’re an old fart that hasn’t been probed I would suggest you ask your doctor about colonoscopies.

My colonoscopy went well. No polyps were found so I don’t have to do this again for ten years. The best thing about colonoscopies: the pictures. If you’re into colon porn prepare to feast your eyes otherwise avert them because you will never be able to unsee what follows. The notes on my report noted the “good colon preparation” which, in the immortal words of John Harvey Kellogg played by Anthony Hopkins in the definitive crazy health nut mocking movie The Road to Wellville, means “my colon is clean.”

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Snapshots of my colon. I oddly do not care if the masses gaze on my interior. We all look pretty much the same from this perspective.