Ukraine Unknowns

This will be my sole posting about the ongoing clusterfuck in Ukraine. In 2014, shortly after Russia invaded Crimea, I posted this little ditty, Ukraine takeaway: Don’t give up your Nukes. I cynically observed that if the morons that constituted the first Ukrainian government after the dissolution of the Soviet Union had held onto a few of their Soviet-era nukes there would have been no Crimean invasion. But no, the dolts either took large bribes and sold out their new country or were stupid enough to trade for the impotent magic beans of international guarantees. Either way, a nuke-less Ukraine has proven to be a morsel that Putin cannot resist. So here we are today with another invasion, another bullshit annexation of Ukrainian territory, and constant threats to use tactical nuclear weapons to reverse recent Ukrainian advances on the battlefield. Again, if the Ukrainians had kept a few nukes none of this shit would be happening.

Shortly after Putin annexed four eastern regions of Ukraine the president of Ukraine, Volodymyr Zelenskyy,¹ applied for immediate NATO membership. This is going to be interesting! From the very start of this second invasion, NATO has supported Ukraine but has strived to avoid direct conflict with nuclear-armed Russia. It’s a hard position to maintain. All of my wife’s little YouTube communists and socialists have been taking pains to abhor Putin’s aggression, call for peace, and caution western powers from doing anything that might result in their little YouTube asses getting nuked. Of course, this is just more magic beans. Thugs like Putin and XI only respect and respond to raw naked force. Attempts to negotiate with such creatures insults the intelligence of everyone involved.

Here’s what’s on tap for Zelenskyy’s NATO application. Slow Joe Biden, boy toy Macron, shiny pony Trudeau, and the rest of the NATO nitwits really don’t want this because it would put NATO into a direct shooting war with Russia which as many YouTube hypocrites have observed might lead to World War III and an immediate nuclear winter fix of global warming. Hey, rotting radioactive corpses put less CO₂ into the atmosphere than brain dead, (but living corpses), riding around in SUVs. A nuclear war will be very bad news for us but it might well be a plus for the planet. So chill bitches, we’re all going to die, whether we go one-by-one, or all together, is ultimately moot.

The NATO nitwits know Zelenskyy is calling them out so they will do what politicians always do when faced with an actual choice. They will ignore it and their flying butt monkeys in the media will comply. Yesterday, I bet my wife that the global garbage media (GGM) wouldn’t mention Zelenskyy’s request. We sat through a few newscasts and yup, nothing came up. Hurricane Ian in Florida grabbed most of the attention, then inflation, then the fucking US midterm elections, (I’m hoping all the candidates die of agonizing anal cancer), then came our daily dose of “think about the plight of the poor BIPOC’ky transgendered” which was then followed by some words from our corporate sponsors. Zelenskyy’s request, as I foretold, didn’t come up. The global garbage media is as predictable as Cold War era Radio Moscow and just as useless.

If Zelenskyy keeps pestering, and he will, the NATO nitwits and the GGM will be forced to find a way to avoid taking a stance. Most likely some little NATO country will object to Ukraine’s application and Zelenskyy’s request will go to the bottom of the agenda where it will stay until it can no longer be ignored. When this occurs the GGM, which includes Twitter, Facebook, YouTube and TikTok will amplify their current campaigns against Zelenskyy. Then respectable propagandists like the New York Times will start running pieces questioning the wisdom of supporting a conflict that might, Flying Spaghetti Monster forbid, distract us from the real issues like climate change. We’ve already heard such inane noises from things like John Kerry and the new King Chuck. And, people wonder why some of us want to get off planet moron.

I will soon be embarking on a long post-COVID, (yeah it’s over for everyone except immunocompromised comorbid porkers), trip. If the world blows up while I’m traveling, I will take comfort in the fact that the cosmos won’t miss us, and if I survive the initial blasts, I will blog from our rubble-bounced apocalypse.

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1. We can’t even agree on how to spell “Zelenskyy.” I rather doubt we will make any good choices about the rest of this mess.↩︎