If genocide is sudden, painless, unexpected, complete and absolute, if a people simply vanish without screams, without fear, without anticipation, if one nanosecond they are and the next nanosecond they are not, and if somehow you are responsible, are you a war criminal or a savior? Ultimately we all vanish, usually with screams, usually with fear, usually with anticipation. For years I’ve longed for a sudden painless death: a dismembering that tears me apart faster than my nerves can relay pain. Imagine such an end for all of us – at once – now. Why linger? We will go extinct. There will be a last human. And if the last human dies with screams, with fear, with anticipation how is that better than sudden genocide?
I am tired of waiting for “the market” to exploit painfully obvious opportunities so I will now provide guidance, in the form of milliblog entries, that tell our less imaginative entrepreneurs just what some of us would buy if we could.
Here’s a deep request. How about printing captions on the back of photographs?
I just went through the excruciating ordeal of ordering about one hundred prints from SmugMug. SmugMug prints meet my high standards but their online ordering software is clunky and clearly geared toward very small print runs. If you have hundreds of pictures, of varying and custom sizes, the software will punish you. The obvious steps of setting a paper type, selecting all your images, and then letting the software work out the paper size from image aspect ratio is not available. You must go image by image setting one easily derived parameter after another. I would print a lot more if it wasn’t such a frigging chore.
As annoying as SmugMug print-ordering is at least I get the prints I want with one major exception. If you check out my online photographs you’ll see I use captions like nanoblog entries. Many people have told me they really like my captions. One of my pet peeves is unlabeled photographs. I have wonderful hundred-year-old photographs of elegantly posed complete strangers because nobody left a clue on the back.
So, in addition to printing timestamps and file names on the back of photographs, include captions as well!
P.S. It takes about five years for the market to meet my obvious requirements; don’t hold your breath.
Have you ever noticed that the “origin stories” of religious figures and comic superheroes have a lot in common? Green Lantern is given a powerful ring. Moses is handed magic tablets. Buddha, a wealthy patrician, is horrified by injustice and suffering and decides to fix things: ditto for Batman. A powerful, otherworldly being, comes to Earth to save us. Are we talking about Christ or Superman? The only difference between comic book heroes and religious figures is: comic book origin stories are more plausible. There is a teeny tiny chance that being bitten by a radioactive spider will give you some powers, probably a tolerance for certain arachnid proteins, but there is absolutely no chance that long dead John the Baptist will poof back from the dead to baptize your semi-literate backwoods ass.
- A milliblog is a short blog entry that makes a single point and then gets out of the reader’s face.