For years I thought it was rude to ignore people now I glory in it. In our overly social networked age it is vital to hone your powers of indifference. We cannot care about everyone or everything and we shouldn’t even try. Here are some people and issues I am ignoring.
- Gay Marriage: Gay marriage is not a human rights issue. The real problem is a property issue. When gay dudes expire their partners frequently complain, (gay people complaining how novel) , about how mean and nasty people are about settling estates and dividing up the booty. What the hell does this have to do with marriage? I am in favor of abolishing all tax and property distinctions between the married and unmarried and reinforcing property rights. It frosts my balls that unmarried wage earners subsidize married people with higher per capita taxes. It pisses me off that drag queens cannot leave their millions to their bum buddies without sleazy estate fights. If your property rights are not protected your human rights are irrelevant.
- Global warming: Yeah, the world is slowly warming and it might be a problem by the middle of this century. Unfortunately by the middle of the century I am dead so, for me, global warming is like the increase in the Sun’s luminosity a billion years from now or, even worse, when all the stars go dark in a few hundred trillion years. Fifty years, a billion years, a hundred trillion years it doesn’t matter I am still dead. Next issue please.
- President Obama: I had a bad feeling when I heard his infamous oceans rolled back speech during the Democratic convention. It was one of those spectacularly stupid remarks that forever stain one’s reputation. Well after two years of campaigning and one year of inept governing it’s official: nothing to learn here. My strategy now is to limit this administration’s damage to moi! The rest of you can enjoy your hope and change.
- Creationists: Life does not make sense without evolution just like mountain ranges and deep-sea trenches do not make sense without continental drift. Very few creationists rail against continental drift because we can see it happening. The VLBI radio telescope array is calibrated on a regular basis because the antennas are sitting on moving continental plates and the precise millimeter scale distance between them is always changing. The process of evolution is still up and running and will be long after all creationist dipshits are fossilized.
- Stock Tips and other Financial prognostications: Investing your own money is a wonderful education in the fallibility of prophets. If it was so damn easy we would all be rich. I observe the contrary.
- CNN. MSNBC, FOX, ABC, NBC, CBC and BBC news: Please just FOAD and free up some valuable bandwidth. You are no longer relevant and are simply wasting our time.