I have been in the rehab/old-folks home for eight days: long enough to adjust to the routine. It’s amazing how quickly we get on with a new normal. This doesn’t mean I am comfortable or thrilled with my circumstances. I have a list of invalid annoyances.
Let’s do this from least to most annoying.
- Call bells that ring for hours on end.
- Marginal cable package: cripples don’t need HBO.
- Late night nurse chats; I had forgotten about noisy hospitals.
- Butt-plugging food. They have been trying to give me stool softeners since my arrival. If my wife wasn’t bringing food I would need them.
- Locked courtyards. It’s winter and the courtyards are locked to protect the elderly. This should be a weather dependent rather than seasonal policy.
- Inability to put on my socks.
- Unable to get in or out of my wheelchair without assistance.
- Cannot shower or bathe until my cuts heal
- Peeing into a plastic bottle.
- And the number one annoyance: cannot wipe my ass. I suspect my nurses concur.