The Zero Bullshit Sport Olympics

We can thank the perpetually aggrieved and ever-complaining “transgender community” for the Zero Bullshit Sport Olympics. The ridiculous spectacle of huge male weightlifters, that conveniently identified and competed as women, crushing smaller and weaker female competitors on live global TV forced many to ask forbidden questions.

“Why are Olympic sports sexually segregated?”

“Does it really matter what the sex of a sprinter is?”

“Isn’t the first human being, male or female, to cross the finish line the winner? That’s how it works for horses; why not humans?”

Once a forbidden question is widely asked and answers are earnestly sought, unpredictable outcomes may ensue. The Zero Bullshit Sport Olympics was such an outcome. After the intolerable absurdity of sexually segregated sports could no longer be countenanced it dawned on many that the old Olympics was chock full of bullshit sports in dire need of elimination.

Bullshit sports were easy to identify. Any sport that depended on panels of “judges” to determine winners was clearly bullshit. Figure skating, flashy but bullshit, floor gymnastics, spectacular but bullshit, synchronized swimming, waterlogged bullshit, rhythmic gymnastics, bullshit’s bullshit; any sport that could not be objectively counted, timed, weighed, or precisely measured in SI units was deemed bullshit and purged from the Olympic roster. So began the Zero Bullshit Sport Olympics.

Purging bullshit sports and sexually desegregating the remaining provided a much need games enema, but it didn’t completely fix the Olympics, only abolition could do that! Yes, the Zero Bullshit Sport Olympics featured a reduced roster, but many ludicrous oddities survived: Motocross, WTF survived, bobsled, applied ice friction physics, survived, javelin, so relevant to the 21st century, survived, velodrome cycling, gay roller derby, survived. And overall, the games remained a vast unnecessary, obscenely overpriced, public-funded, drug saturated real estate orgy overseen by that corrupt cabal of lecherous open-sored syphilitic whores known as the IOC (International Olympic Committee).

The Zero Bullshit Sport Olympics, while not perfect, did put an end to whining about judges and gender. In particular, it fixed the “transgender travesty.” After sexual desegregation, no advantage could be gleaned by identifying and competing as the opposite sex. A transwoman weightlifter still faced male competitors. Oddly, in the sexually desegregated era, the number of trans-athletes dropped to almost zero. It’s like trans-athletes had never been entirely sincere!

The Zero Bullshit Sport Olympics also highlighted many blatant realities that the global garbage media had long suppressed. For example, no female sprinter has ever qualified for the 100-meter dash. Male runners are simply too fast. Similarly, no female weightlifter has ever competed in the super heavyweight class. Women have fared equally poorly in the high, long, and triple jumps. Nor have any ever thrown a winning hammer, shot put, or javelin. The sexually desegregated Olympics hasn’t been a complete rout for women. Female fencers have held their own. Ultra-marathon winners are often women. Mixed-sex bobsled teams, huge male pushers, and small women drivers dominate that sport. Female sharpshooters hit their targets, as well as men, and of course, female riders on female horses, win as often as their male counterparts.

Looking back, the Zero Bullshit Sport Olympics stripped away many au courant social delusions and returned the spotlight to simple unfettered and unqualified human excellence. Instead of mocking Olympic ideals, like the old Olympic obscenity, it sometimes upheld them!

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